Sexuality: Coming Out to Others

Families often have detailed plans for their children and can be very upset when it becomes clear that not all their hopes are going to be realised. Similarly friends and other groups may have their own very definite opinions or prejudices. It is important that you come out to people who will validate and celebrate your new found sexuality as well as to people who may question it. You may also want to talk over the situation in detail first - see below.

• Look for sympathetic people to come out to first.
  
  
• Follow your own timetable — it's your life and your sexuality. Don't feel you have to tell people until you are ready.
  
  
• Don't assume people are homophobic just because they make anti-gay jokes. Often people haven't really thought the thing through, and don't do so until someone close to them comes out.
  
  
• Sadly the opposite can also be true. Just because people claim to be politically correct — or Christian — doesn't mean that they cannot be quite fixed and judgmental in their view of gays and lesbians.
  
  
• Everyone doesn't have to know. Many people — such as Department Staff — will consider your sexuality is your own business. You don't have to share it with them unless you particularly want to.
  
  
• Don't be too put off by an initial bad reaction. Many people react badly when they are faced with something that has shocked them. However, what is said can always be unsaid — even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.
  
  
• Choose your medium. If you are worried that someone will be very hostile, writing might give them time to assimilate the news better.
  
  
• Never feel guilty! Easier said than done, but once we start blaming ourselves for other's bad reactions to us we are on the road to depression. None of us has control over who we are so we don't need to apologise for it.