Bereavement: How can you Help Yourself?
Here are some suggestions which you may find helpful.
- Recognise that mourning takes its time and you cannot hurry it along.
- Allow yourself to cry, scream or shout and forgive yourself for doing so at
inappropriate
moments if that is what you need to do. Don't feel guilty about doing so, even if you feel others are critical of you. - Accept whatever help you are offered from friends, relatives, religious ministers etc.
- Recognise your need to talk about the deceased, even if you need to do so over and over again, and allow yourself to do so until the need lessens.
- If you are worried about over-using friends, talk to a University Counsellor or other professional helper.
- If and when you feel ready, consider reading some of the literature on death and loss. Some books are suggested below. You may find this useful and comforting.
- Think about concrete ways of doing something to ease your pain. Would it help to write a letter to the deceased saying what you perhaps didn't manage to say in their lifetime? Would you like to plant a tree or shrub in their memory and watch it blossom? Could you light a candle in remembrance on special days?
- Do whatever you need to do, recognising that this is a most testing and difficult time in your life.