Managing Anger: What Can I Do About Managing My Anger?

There are three steps to anger management:

1. Understand the pay-offs and the triggers;
2. Learn to calm yourself down in crisis situations;
3. Learn strategies to prevent anger arising in future.

1. Understanding the pay-offs and the triggers

Undoubtedly you will get some short-term benefits from your anger. Most of these can be gained more effectively by other means such as assertion. However, in the short-term you may have to experience some discomfort as you lose some of the immediate gains of anger such as-

• I feel so much better afterwards.
• It makes people listen.
• I feel more like myself when I am angry .
• If I didn't get angry about things I'd just cry all the time.
• When I show my anger then people know where they stand and that's good.
• Anger stops me being afraid.
• If I don't show my anger then people will think I am a wimp.

Probably even as you read this you will begin to see that some of these things can be achieved by other more healthy means.

Now decide what particular situations trigger your anger so that you can practice staying calm when they next arise.

2. Calming yourself down in crisis situations

The appropriate response depends on the situation - e.g. whether you get angry when alone or when in dispute with another.

Substitute activities:

• Describe the room to yourself around you in purely neutral terms.
• Look at things, not people.
• Think of things you have to do today.
• Count to 10 (it does work!).

Avoidance

• Repeat what the other person has said and ask for time to consider.
• Leave if you think you might otherwise lose your temper or be violent.

Change brain rhythms

• Play music to yourself and listen closely; if you don't have access to music, listen to it inside your head.
• Take exercise of some form.

Relaxation

• Alter your breathing, holding each breath for 5 seconds.
• Tense and relax muscles; tensing each in turn, holding for 5 seconds then releasing.
• Massage yourself particularly on your stomach and chest.
• Change postures and roll shoulders.

Imagery

• Imagine a relaxing scene.
• Imagine laughing at yourself and the situation later.
• Imagine neutral scenes, especially ones with people in them.

3. Learning Strategies to prevent Anger arising in the Future

• Decide whether your anger is healthy or unhealthy (see above).
• Avoid stimulants such as alcohol or other drugs if you are working on a long term solution.
• Read about the subject.
• Ask others who get less angry than you how they do it and try their ideas.
• Develop a generally more relaxed lifestyle and try to manage stress better.
• Challenge your angry thoughts.
• Beware of disguised anger such as in sarcasm or cruel jokes.
• Learn to assert yourself, maybe even go on an Assertion Skills course.
• Consider the past origins of your anger.
• Share your concern with a Counsellor.
• Seek out specific Therapy for Anger with referral to a Clinical Psychologist or Psychotherapist who targets this trouble.